I believe in being honest and frank rather than dancing around an issue, so I’m just going to tell you how it is. In order to appreciate where I am coming from, however, you must understand a little bit about my personality.
I am a deep thinker – often driving myself crazy by looking at something from every angle until I figure out how to proceed. I do not make decisions lightly, but once I decide where I stand and commit to something, I am in it 100%. I am willing to take a bold stance, even if it goes against the grain, and I will do whatever it takes to see things through to completion.
Because of this all or nothing nature of my personality, which pretty much defines me, I tend to allow my latest pursuits to completely consume my thoughts, my time, and my energy, usually at the expense of other equally important things. Too often, this causes imbalance in my life, which quickly leads to burnout if I do not manage it correctly.
That is where I stand right now.
I knew that something was amiss last week when I could not even bring myself to log on to social media. I did not want to read a host of articles or blog posts in order to find the perfect ones to share with my followers. I did not want to share anything, which is difficult when I run a blog and feel like I need to share great content in order to keep people engaged.
In addition to scouring the Internet for uplifting content to share, I normally spend a good portion of my days brainstorming and writing on this blog. Last week I could not even bring myself to open my WordPress account. I had no desire to write a single word.
I am a classic introvert, after all, and interacting with people for an extended period of time is draining, whether it is in person or online. I love people, but I absolutely need time to myself in order to function at my best.
The truth is that I did not realize how tired I was – tired of letting this blog dominate my thoughts – tired of constantly worrying about what I should write about or share on social media – tired of dwelling on the dichotomy between what I feel compelled to write about and what I think people want to hear from me, which has been weighing heavily on my mind in recent weeks.
I need stillness. Room to allow my thoughts to go where they will instead of focusing intently on a single pursuit. Room to step back and evaluate without dwelling on anybody’s expectations except my own. Room to relax the pressure that I put on myself, which will, in turn, give me some room to breathe.
In my personal quest for simplicity and purpose, I must allow myself some space to be true to my own needs and myself. I need to step back a little or I am at risk for major burnout.
At this point, I’m not exactly sure what this will mean for the blog. It might mean that I take a couple of weeks off in order to reevaluate my motives and the direction in which I am heading. It might mean that I give myself permission to write about some lighter topics that will not require quite so much thought. It might mean that I do not give myself any deadlines, just writing when inspiration strikes instead of stressing about what to write about in order to publish a weekly post.
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I am not paid for this, friends. I do it because I enjoy it. But when I’m stressing about it and allowing it to control my life instead of enjoying it, perhaps something needs to change.
I’m not walking away. I am just taking a breather. I hope you understand.
See you soon.