Let’s Talk, Friends

OK, friends, pull up a chair and let’s talk. I’ve got a lot on my mind, and I am one who simply must hash things out and make sense of them before I can move on. So if you would like to know what has been consuming me lately, keep reading. (And you might want to know because it does affect this blog.)

I’ve been at this blogging thing for almost three years between two different websites. I started doing it on a whim when my youngest went to kindergarten and I needed a creative outlet to fill my time.

My reason for doing this, while it has evolved a bit over time, still boils down to my desire to create and nurture a supportive group of women who are willing to set perfectionism aside and be real with each other. Pretentiousness drives me C-R-A-Z-Y because it breeds all sorts of harmful things: comparison, competition, never being enough. Plus, I can see through it in about one second flat. You can call that my super power.

So I write about my real and sometimes messy life to encourage others to find contentment in their own imperfect circumstances. But I will tell you that the blogosphere is not exactly what I initially hoped for. While I knew I was kidding myself, I dreamed of writing great content and then sitting back to watch while people magically come to read what I had to say.

Those were blissful dreams, but they did not come true.

The reality is that blogging is an extremely competitive business. Yes, a business. A high percentage of bloggers have hopes of earning large salaries from their living rooms. And some are amazingly successful at doing that. That has never been my goal, but I am competing with talented writers who devote their lives to building online communities for the purpose of supporting their families. If I were doing it for that reason, I have no doubt that my strategy would be a whole lot more intense.

I do not have a problem with that mindset, and there may come a time when I decide to pursue a similar course. But, for now, I have no desire to make money here. My hope for forging new friendships and offering helpful insight are the only things that motivate me to continue to show up. 

The tricky part for me, however, is that I do not like to do things halfway. When I choose to invest in something, I want to do it 100%. So I rush forward with intensity, burying myself in that one thing until I burn out. Then I don’t want to put a single ounce of energy into that particular avenue for quite some time, being drawn to something else – another challenge that requires my full attention. It is a vicious cycle that often leaves me feeling frustrated and unfulfilled.

For that reason, I have been on the verge of walking away from blogging more times than I can count. Every couple of months, I am right back at a crossroads, wondering what I am doing and why I am doing it. During those times, I have to force myself to write. And getting on social media feels like torture. The introverted side of my personality, which usually wins out over the extroverted side, is not a fan of constant interaction, but that feels like a requirement in this business.

Plus, I am not one who likes to draw attention to myself, so promoting my own content all across the web is not my idea of a fun time.

All of this came to a head the other day. I told my husband that I wanted to quit so badly I could taste it. I wanted to pursue other interests that I did not have time for when I focused my energy so intently on the blog. I wanted to get away from my computer and do something more hands on than writing. And promoting. And marketing myself. And worrying about the stats and numbers.

I wanted to go back to the days when I would write my thoughts in a journal instead of on a public forum where they are judged and critiqued. I wanted to focus on enjoying my last year with all of my children at home, undistracted by the constant pull of interaction surrounding the blog.

After listening to my list of worries, he encouraged me to slow down, to step back, to regain focus. I seriously considered his advice but decided on a different course of action. It goes something like this:

I will continue writing, but I will no longer be a slave to this endeavor. For now, that means I will not be hanging out on Facebook or Twitter because those two places drain my energy in a BIG way. I cannot tell you when I will be back there. It all depends on how I am feeling.

You will find me on Pinterest and Instagram instead.

The best way to make sure you don’t miss what is going on here is to sign up for my newsletter (and get a free email course). I love to interact with my readers via email; it seems so much more personal to me than social media. Give it a try (and unsubscribe at any time if it doesn’t work for you):

I will continue to aim for weekly posts, but there may be some variation in that schedule because I am taking the pressure off myself in that arena.

I will give myself the freedom to pursue other interests, meaning that my attention will be more spread out and not so intent on what is going on here. I am starting a culinary class in a couple of weeks, and I CANNOT wait for that! I plan to devote more time to fitness and exercise because I am actually enjoying that for the first time in my life. I want to spend time getting my photos off my hard drive and into photo books. I need to make sure I take time for spiritual enrichment and temple attendance and family togetherness. I could go on, but you get the idea.

In a nutshell, I feel like my writing will improve and be more engaging if I allow myself time and energy to pursue some of the passions that I have put on hold.

As I look to the future, I think I am starting to accept the idea that my blogging success is not based on numbers, although the concrete thinker in me doesn’t like that. Because numbers translate into something I can see. For now, I am going to define success as:

Giving myself room to breathe.

Getting rid of the things that drain me, even when that goes against the grain.

Creating community in my own way, even if it is small.

Writing for the joy of words, not with the intent to create a massive following.

Being present instead of preoccupied.

So, there you have it, friends. And I do think of you as friends. I am so grateful when you stop by to see what I have to say, and I always love it when you respond. Because talking to myself is not so fun.

Thank you for being patient with me as I try to find myself and what works for me in this space. I hope you will keep coming back.

xo,

Lynnette