I saw something a few days ago that made my blood boil, and I haven’t even had a chance to write about it because time got away from me. (Translation: Christmas break was a black hole of time that lacked any semblance of structure, and my daily routines went out the window.)
I was mindlessly flipping through some Instagram stories and saw this:
(I don’t follow this account that actively preaches against the Church, but this story was reposted on a faithful account I do follow.)
I shared a few thoughts about Elder Holland’s influence on my life (and online platforms) in this post from New Year’s Eve. Given the criticism that has again resurfaced with his death, illustrated by this horrid suggestion to dance on his grave, I feel compelled to dive deeper into my experience and why it still matters four and a half years later.
So, buckle up, buttercup! This is going to be good.
I don’t need to remind anyone of the contentious, intensely controversial political and social climate of 2021, fueled by an unrelenting pandemic. If you are like me, it is seared into your brain like a warning.
On August 12 of that year, an official statement from The First Presidency urged members to get vaccinated against a raging virus, lighting a fire of controversy within the Church. For the first time in my life, deafening cries of “fallen prophet” seemed to rule the Internet.
I had heard criticism of the prophets before, but it was largely from people who had left the faith or were looking in from the outside. This time, the critics were from within, and they were loudly slinging mud straight at the Lord’s ordained mouthpieces, which was deeply troubling to me.
Just 11 days later, with the iron of controversy already seething, Elder Holland gave a speech to the faculty and staff at BYU. With all of his characteristic boldness and passion, he encouraged them to preserve the integrity of the university’s mission as an extension of the Church.
Quoting himself from his days as a new BYU president, he repeated:
If we are an extension of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, taking a significant amount of sacred tithes and other precious human resources, all of which might well be expended in other worthy causes, surely our integrity demands that our lives ‘be absolutely consistent with and characteristic of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.’
He then continued:
I will go to my grave pleading that this institution not only stands but stands unquestionably committed to its unique academic mission and to the Church that sponsors it.
And he did, despite hostile onlookers rallying others to dance on said grave.
But what about the musket analogy that threw him into the line of fire for the remainder of his life and, it seems, followed him into the next?
He was, in fact, quoting Neal A. Maxwell, who said:
In a way [Church of Jesus Christ] scholars at BYU and elsewhere are a little bit like the builders of the temple in Nauvoo, who worked with a trowel in one hand and a musket in the other. Today scholars building the temple of learning must also pause on occasion to defend the kingdom. I personally think this is one of the reasons the Lord established and maintains this university. The dual role of builder and defender is unique and ongoing. I am grateful we have scholars today who can handle, as it were, both trowels and muskets.
And then, he quoted Dallin H. Oaks, who added to Elder Maxwell’s words in 2014 and again in a 2017 BYU Devotional address by saying:
I would like to hear a little more musket fire from this temple of learning, especially on the subject of our fundamental doctrine and policies on the family.
Remember his audience: the faculty and staff of BYU who are paid by the Church to educate its young people. By repeating an analogy previously used by two other apostles (one of whom is our current prophet), he encouraged educators to align their teachings with the Church’s doctrine of marriage and family and, if need be, to defend it to preserve BYU’s unique spiritual mission.
The emotion in his voice when he spoke of his interactions with LGBTQ individuals was evidence of his overwhelming love for them. (Seriously…WATCHING it is much more powerful than reading in this case!) But, with his words taken out of context and then perpetuated online like a match tossed into dry kindling, Elder Holland became public enemy number one within hours of his now infamous speech.
Like the online firestorm from church members directed at President Nelson just 11 days prior, Elder Holland was now facing a barrage of criticism from within the Church. My social media feed was overflowing with messages bashing one of the prophets in question.
In Elder Holland’s case, the sentiments ranged from “he made a mistake” on the mild end to outright hostility. The latter broke my heart, but the accusation that he made a mistake was also wholly unsettling. I could not understand how anyone could claim that when they had no idea why he (the best orator I have ever heard) chose the words he did or what his conversations with the Lord on the matter entailed.
Could he have made a mistake? It’s possible. But how can one conclude that without all the information?
I could not imagine a scenario where Elder Holland would tackle such a controversial topic amid widespread political and social unrest without involving the Lord in every idea he shared. No, he did not walk into that speech blindly. The phrase “he made a mistake” felt prideful and dismissive of his role as a prophet, seer, and revelator, as if those who said it claimed to know more than he did.
But that message was everywhere, right alongside those twisting his words and figuratively calling for his head. Missing from the online conversation were messages of support for him and the doctrine of the Church he called on the BYU faculty and staff to defend.
I was profoundly affected by the amount of hate coming from within the Church and directed at the prophets, both Elder Holland and President Nelson, within a matter of days. Amid this escalating situation, I went on a hike with the sole purpose of talking to the Lord about what I saw, heard, and felt because of the controversy.
For months leading up to this, the word “stand” had been playing on repeat in my mind, and I didn’t know why. I was, at the time, in the middle of creating a parenting program to help parents of teens prepare their kids to launch successfully into adulthood. With the challenges of a pandemic and the resulting fallout still playing out on the world stage, I thought I might need to help parents raise resilient kids who could “stand” amid adversity.
But that day in August of 2021 changed everything.
As I hiked, I poured out my worries to the Lord in a messy and haphazard way.
“There is so much controversy within the Church,” I lamented. “It seems as if everyone is upset at the prophets, and I have never seen that before. Is this the beginning of the end, and what can I do about it?”
And then, His unexpected answer, clear as day: “Why do you think I need you to help women stand?”
My brain went into overdrive:
Wait, so this whole “stand” business that won’t leave my mind doesn’t involve my parenting program? It is about helping Latter-day Saint women stand firmly alongside the prophet amid deafening controversy from within the Church?
I can tell you exactly where I was on the mountain when that realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
When I got to the top of the mountain and found it void of people, which never happens, I decided to sit on a rock and continue my conversation with the Lord, hoping to better understand what He was asking of me. What unfolded then will forever be seared into my memory and still guides my work today.
In short, the Lord made it clear that He wanted me to go straight into the middle of the social media contention and strengthen the women of His Church who wanted to remain faithful.
“You are uniquely qualified to lead there,” He told me.
Me? The person who avoids confrontation like the plague? Who wants nothing more than to stay comfortably out of the line of fire and live my faith in peace?
Uniquely qualified?
It felt surreal and utterly terrifying.
But, given what I had seen and felt, how could I say no to the Lord? Doing so, I feared, would land me in the belly of a whale.
So, for four and a half years, I have been trying to share my faith in Jesus Christ and His prophets on social media, the epicenter of faith-based contention. Admittedly, my level of engagement has waxed and waned over that time because heading into the line of fire tends to drain me.
But since beginning this work, the climate on social media has grown increasingly hostile to believers, especially faithful Latter-day Saint women. I have often wondered if it is worth the effort to share what is most dear to me, my love for Jesus Christ, on a platform that feels like a giant cesspool prone to spitting in the face of believers.
But then, I see things like an invitation to dance on Elder Holland’s grave before he has even been gone a week, and it LIGHTS A FIRE in my soul. It reminds me of just how much work remains to be done if we are to prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Lord.
And, if social media is where so much damage to people’s faith originates (and it IS), I CANNOT stay silent. I will STAND with Jesus and His prophets and encourage others to do the same, no matter how vocal the opposition becomes.
This work of sharing the gospel (which includes strengthening the Saints and defending the truth) is not about me or you or any opposition we will face. It is about Jesus and the reality that He is coming again soon. I do not know how soon or if I will even be alive when it happens. But that is not what matters.
What matters is that you and I, as part of latter-day covenant Israel, are here to help prepare the world for that great day. And, to prepare the world, we first need to be sure of where we stand.
Do we stand with Him at all times and in all things and in all places, regardless of consequences?
Do we stand with Him only when it is convenient or comfortable?
Or do we stand somewhere else (or with someone else) entirely?
We are living the perilous times of which Timothy spoke, where there are none which doeth good save it be a few. With that and other Second Coming prophecies ringing in our ears, it is clear that the cultural landscape is not likely to get more friendly toward the faithful in the days before He comes. But that does not diminish or negate our responsibility to bring the gospel to all the world, beginning with cementing it in our own hearts.
Now, more than ever, we need believers to stand and say, “The world does not speak for me. The haters do not speak for me.”
And I will not dance on Elder Holland’s or anyone else’s grave, thank you very much.
For me, that centers around an online platform. For you, it might look completely different.
But, together, may we hear Joseph Smith’s prophecy with our 2026 ears:
No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished and the great Jehovah shall say the work is done.
Let the persecutions rage and the haters hate; the truth will still go forth. And, if we so choose, we can participate in the fulfillment of this great latter-day prophecy by being messengers of His truth.
The work is not yet done, and time is running out, so we had better be getting at it.
**Read the rest of this journaling series here.
