I Was Called Many Times and Would Not Hear

April 16, 2026

This is a story I’m not proud of, but I need to record it to remind me of God’s goodness and everlasting patience with me.

It culminated a few days ago with a soul-stretching rebuke from the Lord, but began long before that. I invite you to come along as I expose my own spiritual stubbornness and attempt to set my course right.

It begins with my downhill slide into the empty nest, which coincides with a move across the country in five short weeks. In anticipation of those major life changes, I have spent countless hours over the past year seeking the Lord’s help in answering one core question: What comes next?

For almost 28 years, my life has revolved around raising and nurturing a family. Knowing the day would come when the hands-on part of that job would end, I decided years ago to build a life outside of motherhood.

For me, that included a blog, which I started when my youngest went to kindergarten. The writing fueled my soul, but over time, that morphed into a podcast and eventually into a paid program.

In the beginning, I invested thousands of dollars into blogging and social media courses. I learned all about how to be a “professional” blogger, complete with a monetization plan. But growth was still slow, and money was not my goal. I just wanted to write because I loved it, and hopefully, help a few people along the way.

However, when the 2020 pandemic closed my husband’s dental practice for several weeks, exposing the depth of our financial vulnerability, I felt compelled to take this monetization thing seriously.  So, I hired a business coach who helped me create the 12-month paid program I launched in early 2021 to help parents prepare their teens for adulthood.

I didn’t make a profit on that program. But for the entirety of 2021, I poured my heart and soul into creating a comprehensive, transformative 12-month experience for the small group of incredible women who trusted me to guide them through this journey.

A few months before the program ended, the Lord clearly called me to switch gears and share my faith online – a change that took a few months to fully implement because I was still creating and releasing content for my parenting program. But in early 2022, I immersed myself in digital missionary work, complete with a brand-new podcast about standing with Jesus.

For almost five years now, I have lived in the world of faith-based content creation. During that time, I have seen the opposition grow, leading a growing number of Latter-day Saints to enter the online arena to defend the faith. I have seen the average age of faith-based creators get younger and younger, inspiring me with their youthful courage and strength.

But it has been hard to find my footing in this rapidly changing digital landscape, especially as I contemplate how almost everything in my life will change in the next five weeks. And, as I ponder the significance of starting a brand-new chapter with a blank slate of opportunity, I can’t help but wonder if it is time to close my 13-year chapter of online content creation.

I have explored several alternative options. I plan to finish the culinary program I started last year, which could lead to some opportunities in the food industry. There’s a big part of me that wants to go back to school to earn an MS in nutrition. (That has long been on my radar.) Another part of me simply wants to get a job that doesn’t require an online presence or constant social media work.

The world is my oyster, and it feels like a good time to do something I have never done before, which brings me back to the question I have asked God a thousand times over the last year: What should I do next?

The answer I wanted was: “As you enter this new season of life, you can confidently leave content creation behind and find another path that sounds interesting to you.”

Instead, on multiple occasions, after asking the Lord that question [again], and explaining all the reasons why I wanted to move on [for the millionth time], I would randomly open the scriptures to verses like this:

Alma 26:27: “When our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforteth us, and said, go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.”

And this:

Isaiah 51:16-17: “I have put my words in thy mouth…awake, awake, stand up.”

And, on another day, while fasting and praying about that same question, my scriptures fell open to D&C 27, and I started reading about Adam-ondi-Ahman, the Second Coming, and putting on the whole armor of God to stand in that day.

The Lord did, in fact, call me to this work back in 2021 by telling me He needed me to “help women stand.” The fact that He kept leading me to verses across all books of scripture that featured the word “stand” did not feel like a coincidence.

As if that were not enough to convince me of the Lord’s will (I can be stubborn), another time, I let my bible fall open, and these words from Revelation 2:9-10 were flashing like a neon sign: “I know thy works, and tribulation…I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are of the synagogue of Satan. Fear none of those things…”

It’s funny how a verse of scripture from thousands of years ago can perfectly describe today’s social media landscape. And, as I read it, I felt as if the Lord was cutting to the heart of my struggles and fear surrounding this work (such as repeatedly confronting the growing opposition, for starters) and saying, “Fear not! I’ve got you.”

Still, I was hesitant because, after nearly 13 years in this online arena, I was thoroughly exhausted. When my life changed, I wanted to change with it – reinvent myself – do something that did not amplify every fear and inadequacy I have.

I wanted a new path that required less of me.

So, I started praying that, if the Lord wanted me to continue sharing online (which all avenues were pointing to), I needed Him, through the mercy and grace of Jesus Christ, to remove the weaknesses that often halted my progress. Shortly thereafter, in a priesthood blessing, I heard the phrase, “The Lord’s grace is sufficient to compensate for your weaknesses.”

Only the Lord knew of the significance of that wording to me at that moment, which, again, could not have been a coincidence.

But I could still not muster the mental energy to jump back into the online arena, in which I had been a sporadic participant for at least a year. Getting ready for a life-altering move, coupled with many other pressing challenges in my family, required all my energy. (Not to mention my thyroid hormones were/are way out of whack again, so energy is hard to come by.)

So, rather than create content, my brain went into overdrive, trying to justify my way out of the path I was, once again, feeling called to walk. And then the confusion took over again.

Overthinking has long been my nemesis.

In my frustration, I returned to the Lord with another variation of the question He had already answered several times: “Are you sure it is right for me to keep sharing online? I can think of a million reasons why that doesn’t make sense.”

Second-guessing the Lord was not my finest hour.

Even still, with that question again in my heart, I opened up the scriptures while sitting in the Celestial Room at the temple, only to look down and read these words in Alma 10:6:

“I was called many times, and I would not hear.”

I knew the Lord was talking directly to me. Despite clear and repeated evidence that He wanted me to continue sharing my faith online, “I would not hear.”

With spiritual deafness clouding my judgment, I got to the point last week where I was ready to log off social media for good. I basically told the Lord I was out unless I could see how this path I felt called to walk could work for me in this new season.

(Translation: Lord, I cannot go back to the old me who is easily overwhelmed by the contention of the online world. If it is going to be sustainable, I need it to feel different this time.)

Then, as soon as I got off my knees, I opened Instagram, a practice I do not recommend. But the Lord met me there and, at the top of my feed, I saw a reel from one of my creator friends about the Second Coming. The experience she shared about feeling the need to be ready for Jesus’s return struck a chord deep within my soul. And, while these were not her words, what I heard while watching her reel was, “Stop whining and get to work!”

I knew that meant the Lord still had online work for me to do in preparation for the great day of His return. I knew it meant that I needed to repent of my failure to listen to His repeated calls and for my attempts to justify my way out of them with all manner of whining and self-doubt.

He must be so weary of my whining. Yet, in His mercy, He still showed up for me.

I am filled with chagrin. (Bonus points if you can name the movie from which I borrowed that phrase.)

I can do better. I MUST do better.

So, today, I stand on the cusp of a million changes. And while I am still processing the complicated emotions of closing a chapter that has defined me for more than half of my life, my desire to follow the Lord is amplified.

I know He is coming again soon; I feel it in my bones. And He is leading Greg and me to Missouri, the epicenter of Second Coming prophecy.

I cannot walk away from His work now, when we are headed to the place where it will all happen. It’s about to get real in an unprecedented way, and I am here for it!

And, while I cannot promise complete immersion in this online work until after we get settled into our new Missouri home, I am confident there are big things in store!

The next chapter will be the best one yet! I am ready to do my part, even if it’s different from what I envisioned.

It’s time to stop questioning and start doing. I hope you will come along for the ride.

**Read the rest of this journaling series here