To be true, I am not much of a yeller. My kids think I am yelling at them when I talk sternly. But sometimes, I lose it. I feel the frustration welling up inside me until it slips past the self-control gate and into the wide open air.
I am never proud of those moments. They make me feel small and insecure. They cause me to feel like a failure – a bad mom, even.
While some personalities are more prone to yelling than others, it seems to be a rather universal problem among parents. I know it is a hot-button topic in the parenting community because nobody likes the way they feel after they yell at their kids.
But guess what? You have come to the right place! I can help you step back, look at the big picture, and identify why you lose your cool. Once you understand your triggers, it is easier to fix the problem.
Guess what else? The triggers might not be what you think they are. They might stem from trying to be a nice, positive mom.
I know what you are thinking; why would trying to be nice cause me to yell?
Well, it is simple, really. When you are trying to be nice, you probably do everything in your power to say only positive things to your kids. But when they still ignore you or misbehave, even when you are being the sweetest, kindest mommy on the block, you might get increasingly frustrated because they aren’t taking you seriously. And that, my friend, is setting the stage for an explosion that might sound like yelling.
Does that sound familiar? Well, you are not alone! The problem is in the cultural rhetoric that tells parents (especially moms) that they must always be nice, kind, and positive. And if they do so, their kids will listen, obey, and everybody will be happy.
But that doesn’t always work. I know it didn’t for me. And when it doesn’t, that leaves Mommy feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and, perhaps most damaging, she feels like a failure. Feeling like a failure does not help Mommy or her kids.
Other reasons why parents might yell include:
- They try to reason with their kids (which does not work!).
- They want the last word. (Don’t we all?)
- They engage instead of retreating.
We delve into all of these reasons in this episode, and solutions for overcoming them. After listening, you will be able to target your triggers, realize why they are causing you to lose your cool, and take steps to overcome them. It could be life-changing!
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